Men are men
That man
placed his hand on the girl’s head and said:
“This love
and infatuation are all nothing. Now go back to your home and study hard
so that you can lead a successful lie.”
The man
then placed a piece of paper in her hand:
“I have
written some wisdom for you. Read it before you go to sleep.”
The girl
went back to her home with tears. Before she goes to sleep, she opens the
piece of paper and reads the following:
“Are you
blind? My wife is standing right behind me… Anyway, this is my
number. You can call me anytime. By the way, I love you too!”
*
An old gift
Four years
after the breakup, he called her (i.e., ex-girlfriend) again on her birthday:
“Remember
that dress I gave you as a gift on your birthday?”
The girls
answered in tears:
“Yes.”
The guy
said:
“My sister
wants it back!”
*
A smile
Guy: “Every
time you smile, I feel like to invite you to my place.”
Girl:
“Aww! That is so sweet. Are you single?”
Guy:
“No. I am a Dentist.”
*
Natural
causes
Girl: “He
died of natural causes.”
Cop: “You
pushed him off the roof.”
Girl:
“Gravity is natural!”
*
What do we need?
“Money
aside, what do you need right now?”
“Uhh…
The money you just put aside.”
*
Some math equations
[Swiss]
Cheese has holes.
More cheese
= more holes.
More holes
= less cheese.
More cheese
= less cheese?
*
Virgin meaning
“If a girl
is Virgin, it is her pride…
But if a
boy is Virgin, he is a loser!
*
Rubbing a lamp
A man found
a lamp in the street. He rubbed it, and it blasted… He died.
MORAL: NOT all lamps belong to Aladdin; some belong to Binladen.
*
To be on
the TOP
A crow sat
on a tree doing nothing… When a rabbit thought he could do the same and
sat on the ground.
A fox came
and ate him.
MORAL: To sit and do nothing, you need to be on the TOP…
*
I knew it!
Father:
“Son. You were adopted.”
Son:
“What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents.”
Father: “We
are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up
in 20 minutes.”
*
A potential DUI
While
driving on the freeway, the young son asked:
“Dad.
What is an alcoholic?”
Pointing to
the cars in front of them, father answered:
“Son.
Do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic will see 8 instead.”
Son:
“But, Dad,
there are only two cars in front of us.”
*
Just keep moving forward!
“If you
can’t fly then run,
If you
can’t run then walk,
If you
can’t walk then crawl,
But
whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.”
-Martin
Luther King, Jr.
*
Tea is an
evil substance!
Yeah!
Tea is much more dangerous than beer.
Please
avoid drinking tea.
How do I know? I discovered this fact last
night. I had drunk 14 beers up to until 3:00 am at the bar while my wife
was drinking tea at home.
You should have seen how angry and violent she was when I
got home.
I was peaceful, silent, and headed to bed as she shouted
at me all night long; and even into the next morning.
Please, ladies, if you can’t handle tea, just don’t drink
it!
*
Dad complaints
“OMG! Slow Internet gain! It must be either my son
is downloading the porn, or my daughter is uploading it.”
*
Word
correct spelling
“PSYCHO
THE
RAPIST.”
Well, That
is not Fantastic!...
“PSYCHOTHERAPIST
is one word! One word!! OK!!!”
*
You can’t be both?
“I am
Ugly or Pretty?
“You’re
both.”
“What do
you mean?”
“You’re
Pretty Ugly!”
*
Warning for missing people
“We should place the missing people's faces on the packs
of cigarettes. Smokers are the only ones who stand outside in all kinds
of weather.”
*
An item as
seen in a job application:
Answer: Yes or No.
*
At a job
interview:
Job
applicant: “That is your job.”
*
Equality?
“Here is the thing about equality: Everyone’s equal
when they’re dead.”
*
True personality?
“You can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.”
*
Love and Hate
“Your
biggest fan is a stranger.
Your
biggest hater is someone you know.”
*
What Exam?
“One test that even though you forget to study, but you
may still pass it is the prostate exam!”
*
Common senses!
“Sitting
alone is better than walking with the wrong people.”
“To say is
easy; to prove is hard.”
“If you are good at something, never do it for free.”
*
Today’s
Reality:
“Why people
wear expensive watches and always say they do not have time?”
Compiled
and edited by Tran Van Giang
11/22/2019
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